QUIPS

Providential Provisions

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May I express some ground rules?

Within the assorted definitions I find in my big dictionary, the word QUIP could raise hackles on some but I surely hope ones I include in this page will not.  In fact, if you have some quips you would like me to include on this page, PLEASE SEND THEM!!   I only ask that they be not vulgar, derogatory or profane.  IF YOU FIND some of my quips to be offensive I would appreciate your comments. I do think, however, that we ought not wear our feelings on our coat sleeves, if that makes any sense to you.  With that I will do my best to be fair and considerate. 

Attributions are my attempt to name 
origin of quips when possible.

An old timer is one who remembers when buying on time meant getting to the store before it closed.                Carl Morrison

The husband had been dragged to a classical guitarist's concert by his culture-minded wife.  During the concert, she whispered to him, "What do you think of his execution?"  
He whispered back, "I'm in favor of it!"
                             Stan Buchanan

Henny Youngman told of the henpecked psychiatrist--his wife yells when the patients put their feet on the couch.          Stan Buchanan

A friend of mine told me, "As a kid, I sniffed a lot of model airplane glue in the summer.  Funny, I was able to fly long before the models did!"

RED SKELTON and his wife really made a point of not arguing over anything not worth arguing about.   Of course, this led to many arguments over whether or not a subject was worthwhile. We all miss Red and his good, clean humor.
                            Stan Buchanan

Jim Backus (voice of Mr. Magoo) told of the bearded oldster who asked another gent, "Weren't you in my public school class of 50 years ago?"  "No," said the other, "no one in my class had a beard!"         
                            Stan Buchanan

1900 - 1950,  BLUE JEANS were the mark of honest hard work.  My, how times change. From 1950 to the present day, blue jeans are the symbol of our fake cultural dress and misinformation. WORK is no longer responsible for causing faded and torn blue jeans--it is now fashionable and they come from the store that way.

Chivalry and modesty were designed to be twin restraints on man's predilection for sexual harassment.             Ralph D. Howell, Jr.

"There is a compelling reason for these secularists to remove God from everywhere, because as Dostoevsky wrote in 'The Brothers Karamazov,' 'without God anything is permitted.' Those who would like to have anything permitted must first eliminate God -- the ultimate arbiter of what's right and wrong." 
                    Dr. Laura Schlessinger

ABOUT SIN --- "Nobody created it; it is a loss of perfection in beings whom God created perfectly."
                      John F. MacArthur, Jr.

STRANGE NEWS ---A lawyer named Strange died and his widow asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer."

The tombstone man insisted that such an inscription would be confusing.  Passersby would think that three men were buried under the stone. So he suggested an alternative.  He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer."

"That way," he noted, "anyone who walks by the tombstone and reads it would be certain to remark, 'That's Strange.' "
              Frederick J. Liddle, Tampa, Florida

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