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If you receive an e-mail entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase
everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks
within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your
credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the
tracking on
your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to
scratch any CD's you attempt
to play.
It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all
your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone
autodial to call only your mother-in-law's number. This virus will mix
antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your soda pop.
It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting
company. Its radioactive emissions will cause your toe jam and bellybutton
fuzz (honest, you have some) to migrate behind your ears. It will replace
your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all while dating your
current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous
to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things
in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye.
It will give you Dutch Elm Disease and Tinea. It will rewrite your
backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive tense and
incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the
interpretations of key sentences.
If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows95 environment, it
will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in
dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden
tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk
with whole milk. It will replace all your luncheon meat with Spam. It will
molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume,
causing it to
smell like dill pickles.
THIS IS SERIOUS! PLEASE PASS THIS WARNING
ON TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!
Yeah...sure -- REMEMBER this is "tongue in cheek"!!!
If you pass this on to anyone, it will only cause a SMILE!
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